Look Who's 2!

It's hard to believe but our Little Miss Aria turned two years old today.  I don't think that she fully understands it yet but she picked out her birthday cake and even sang happy birthday to herself! LOL 

 Here's our little dolly!

 She insisted on having the 'back and yewow bumble bee.'  It turned out pretty cute.  Not sure why blogger turned it.

 Nothing like cake on your birthday!

Love to you all,

Kristen

Adults too!

While I used the girls as my models the scarves are definitely designed for adults.  Little girls can wear them too but I just want to make sure that everybody understands.  My mom can make shorter ones for little girls as well.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Warming Things Up

With only 5 months to go before Georgia's Journey of Hope 2012, things have started to warm up around here.  My mom and my Auntie Maggie have been knitting up a storm!  They have been creating these beautiful scarves ready for sale with all proceeds to Families of Spinal Muscular Atrophy Canada.  While I know that it may be the wrong season for scarves I wanted to show them off before Mother's Day.  Hint, hint!  They will be available from now until Fall.  The cost is $22 and they come in a variety of different colors.  I have taken a few pictures with my very beautiful models to show you what they are like.

If you are interested in seeing or ordering a scarf please contact me directly. Georgia's Journey of Hope has been booked for September 30th.  Please mark your calendars.

Love to you all,

Kristen

Never Far Away

Dear Georgia,

It's been almost 3 years since I held you in my arms. I find this idea staggering! How is it that I have survived 3 years without you? We miss you and love you so much. While our lives are continuously busy and always changing the void that you have left is permanent and unmoving.

I think that you would be proud of all of us. Calla remains quiet but she loves school and has lots of friends. She is happy. Maya is growing into a self confident learner and a social butterfly. She too is happy. Both of them remember you.

Aria, the little girl that I know you had a hand in sending us, loves to sing...just like you. What you lacked in physical strength, she has in spades. She loves to climb and jump and one of her favorite tricks is to walk her legs up the back of the couch to show us her handstand!

Your daddy works hard at taking care of all of us. Sometimes when he comes home and your three sisters go running to him I see him glance around for just a second. Despite being loved by three gorgeous little girls his arms sometimes ache to hold another - you. He continues on his quest for health and is in better shape than ever. He too is happy.

It has taken me three years but I feel like I have finally achieved a sense of normalcy. I stay busy with your sisters and have even returned to working. The anxiety that I have struggled with has dissipated. In a couple of weeks I will be speaking at The Children's Hospital Memorial. I consider it an honor. I too am happy.

We will escape tomorrow as we always do. On Saturday we will take a few moments to remember and celebrate you. The best way that I can think of celebrating you is to simply love each other. That is part of the reason that I like getting away. It is our family time without any interruptions.

So, while I find it staggering that is has been almost three years, I feel your presence as much today as I did then. As time marches on we will continue to move forward. The joy that you brought into our lives remains because you are never away from us. You have taught us that love transcends death and we know that you remain forever near. We carry you with us each and every day. We miss seeing your smile and hearing your laugh. We miss your big blue eyes and your amazing singing voice. We miss everything that you were and everything that you could have been but... we know that you are never far away.

"A breath away's not far

to where you are."

Love Mommy

Puerto Vallarta

Today, March 16th, of course marks the 3rd anniversary of the day that I brought Georgie into the hospital. Instead of dwelling on that sad moment I thought instead, that I would share some pictures from our latest family adventure. Three weeks ago we took off for the sun and sand in Puerto Vallarta. We stayed in an all inclusive family resort, relaxed and had LOTS of fun!

Calla and Maya ready for the Pirate Party. They made their swords and eye patches at the Kids Club.

A family shot taken in town.

Our bathing beauty. Note - she still has her pyjamas on! LOL

Building sand castles.

Look out Maya!

Playing Mini Golf on the resort.

Daddy and Aria hanging out.

It was a fabulous seven days and we are already planning for next year. It's so nice to know true happiness again!

Love to you all,

Kristen

Eight!

Happy 8th birthday to our beautiful Calla! We couldn't imagine our lives without you Calla!!

Love Mom

Happy

Tomorrow is my birthday. Three years ago I felt like celebrating. I snuck away in the afternoon to get my hair done -to feel pampered. We invited a few friends over for dinner. I drank wine. I laughed...a lot. I had no idea that my life was about to experience a tragic turn of events. I was blissfully naive. I was happy!

Fast forward 3 years. Tomorrow is my birthday and I feel like celebrating. No, I won't be sneaking away to be pampered or hanging out with friends. I may have a glass of wine and I really hope that I laugh but I am giving myself a gift this year. It's called forgiveness.

I made peace with losing Georgia some time ago but I haven't quite made peace with myself. Last February I was fighting depression and so jumped on a treadmill. I have often found peace while running but it has always been short lived. Recently, I decided to just start forgiving myself. That way if there is no treadmill nearby and the snowbanks are piled high I can still find it.

Since Georgia died I often find myself feeling overwhelmed by the supidest things - the kitchen sink has dishes in it, we're going to be two minutes late, the van is dirty, supper wasn't started on time, I didn't exercise etc. You'd think having lost a child that I wouldn't sweat the small stuff and that I could put things into perspective. Instead the opposite has happened. If I feel like I am losing control I start to feel angry and upset. I even find myself worrying about what others may be thinking. Stupid!

While I did not make it a New Year's resolution, I have been taking more deep breaths since Christmas. I am continually reminding myself that somethings really don't matter. My van has been dirty for a couple of weeks now and I know that eventually it will get washed! If I don't get all of the laundry folded this morning, it will still be waiting for me this afternoon. If I choose to take some time for myself, my kids will be just fine. In fact, they're so much better behaved when I come home! LOL

It's hard to find true happiness after experiencing a loss. Even while you experience joy you always feel like something is missing. Sometimes you feel guilty for feeling happy. Forgiving yourself means understanding that you can be cheerful, ecstatic, delighted etc without loving the person you have lost any less. I have always known that Georgia knew this, it has just taken me a while to accept it myself. Maybe, I'm a little slow. : )

So, this year I am giving myself a gift and I am proud to say that I am once again happy!

Love to you all,

Kristen

Merry Christmas

"Oh I miss you now, my love
Merry Christmas, merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas, my love

Sense of joy fills the air
And I daydream and I stare
Up at the tree and I see
Your star up there

And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by"
Sarah Mclachlan



Merry Christmas sweet Georgia!

The Missing Paragraph

Georgia would have been 3 years old this year. I imagine that I would have had her registered in Kindermusik and she would probably have danced on Tuesday mornings with her friend Ruby. She would have started preschool this past September. I would have had so much fun doing up her thick hair every day. I imagine that she would have loved singing Christmas Carols and listening to Calla sing in the choir. I can imagine her giggling with Maya as they played games in the morning and tried to decide what to wear every day. She would have started skating lessons this year. I am sure that Calla and Maya would have taken her by the hand. She would have been a big sister to Aria. I picture her trying to teach Aria the words to songs and playing dolls with her.

As Chrismas approaches I feel her absence more than ever. I wish I were buying her presents and going to her preschool concert. I wish that I could see her dance, and smile and play. I wish that I could hear her sing...

A Christmas Letter

At some point in my life I wrote a Christmas letter every year. It was a chance to update family and friends what we as a family, were doing. The last one I wrote was in 2008. In March, of 2009 I made my life quite public by writing in this blog. When the holidays came around that year I simply didn't have the energy to sum up what 2009 had done to us as a family. Last year I didn't feel like doing it either but this year I am feeling ready so here goes:

Dear Family and Friends,

We hope that this letter finds you in good health as you prepare for the holiday season. We have had another busy year around here. It's pretty hard not to be busy with three kids running around! Usually I'd start with Calla but since Maya is the middle child I thought that I'd write about her first this time.

Maya finished up preschool this year and in September she started kindergarten. We were all a little bit nervous about how she would adapt but I am thrilled to say that kindergarten and Miss Granda have been the best thing to happen to Maya in three years. She is loving school and thriving. I am so proud to see her becoming a social butterfly and gaining confidence. Maya is still dancing and loving it! She has requested to dance more often so next year I'll be putting her in at least two classes. She also tried soccer this year and liked it. She hasn't quite decided if she will play again this spring. Maya is also becoming quite the skater. So much so, that I even asked her if she'd like to play ringette. So far the answer remains 'No'. Her true love is DANCE.

Calla started grade 2 this year. She has become a fantastic reader and is loving the 'Geronimo/Thea Stilton series right now. She decided to dance ballet and jazz this year and continues to enjoy it. She has given up piano because she didn't want to try a new teacher. The teacher that we had won't be back in town until next fall. : ( Calla did join the school choir however and seems to be loving it. She learned at least a dozen Christmas songs this year and had the chance to sing them at a Seniors' Residence and the mall. Calla is also still skating but really only does it because one of her buddy's is in her class. LOL Skating really isn't her thing!

Aria has grown up so much in the last year. Her language skills are quite advanced as she is now speaking in short sentences. Today she said, "I wanna see where Maya go!" She is busy, busy, busy and... fearless! She broke her arm in November by climbing up onto our piano stool and standing up before falling down. She had wiggled out of her sling 13 days later and the break hardly seems to have slowed her down. Currently, Aria is obssessed with puppies, Elmo and just yesterday "Yo Gabba Gabba!" She loves to dance and sing and her favorite song is 'Baby Baby, Baby' by Justin Bieber. I am not kidding. She asks for it and sings along! LOL

As for Mike, it has been just over a year since he moved from IBM to Great West Life. He is quite happy and we attended the Children's Christmas Party just last weekend. Lots of fun! He continues to bake bread but not quite as much as his quest for health has led him to believe that too many grains aren't good for us. So, we all eat a little less bread. He is looking forward to going to the Grand Canyon at the beginning of February with his dad and siblings. They will be celebrating Bob's 60th birthday.

As for me, I stay busy. I ran my first 10k in August and it felt great! Now that all of my running has to be done inside I've let it slide for now. I also escape once a week to Pilates but am hoping to do it a little bit more in the new year. I have also started to sub a little bit again and am pleased to say that there is little to no anxiety on the part of Maya or myself. : ) Mike and I hosted the 3rd annual Georgia's Journey of Hope this year. We managed to raise approximately $12 000. It continues to be a labour of love.

We are looking forward to escaping some place warm in the next couple of months but have yet to book. The season is just keeping us so busy!

From our home to yours - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Love Kristen, Mike, Calla, Maya, and Aria